Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
