What did we do last night that was yellow?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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