Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
