would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
