oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
