Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
