Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
