Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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