Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My life is pants optional.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
