I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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