weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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