i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
