My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
