I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
