Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
