When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
