Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
