hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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