he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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