I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
