God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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