WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
