I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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