We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
