My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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