I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
