When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
