you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
