We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
