Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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