I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
