FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
