According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
