six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
