i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
