Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
