I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
