Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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