i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
