You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So. Much. Porn.
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