I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
