grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
