My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
