I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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