He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
