Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
