Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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