some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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