a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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