I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
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